Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
