THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
