Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
