Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
