god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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