My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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