I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
