I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
