Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
