Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
