i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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