it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
