Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
