At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
