woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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