she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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