Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
