I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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