I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
