Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
