Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
