If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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