My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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