she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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