She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Text me some of your sweat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
