I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we're making bets on your personal life
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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