Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
