in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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