I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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