I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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