Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize