The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
