handjob tips. give me some.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize