if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
