I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize