I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
