with your own penis?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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