She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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