Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
