we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
