I wish I only lived at night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
