How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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