i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
