His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
