I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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