The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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