Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
someone threw a dead crab at me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
