Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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