It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
