What did we do last night that was yellow?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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