Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
