If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
