Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
