john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
