You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
