Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize