There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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