Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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