How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
