Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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