Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
