Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
