that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
