i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
