bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
