She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wanna go halves on a baby?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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