btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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