Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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