I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why didn't you poke me back
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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