I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he puts the penis in happiness.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
