My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
