thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
