heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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