I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
