Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize