we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize