She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
