i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
