what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
