I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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