is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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