She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
God, I missed his penis.
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