How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Come on in and take your pants off
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