Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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