I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're too hungover to prance.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
