Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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