I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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