I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My feet surprised me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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