I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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