fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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