What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
