And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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