Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
