Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
