sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
