PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love having hate sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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