i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
