the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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