How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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