we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
